Last night when I was tucking my 10 year old daughter into bed she gave me a huge hug and a kiss and said, “I love you mom.” I thought that was very sweet of her. But then she said, “I want to be just like you when I get older.” I asked her why and her response was, “Because you’re beautiful, smart and the best mom ever.” I just gave her a great big hug and told her I loved her too. But her comment got me thinking. I’m glad to see that I’ve been a positive role model to her and I hope to always be that role model, but I have a question about how we’re raising our daughters in today’s society. As I look at the girls and young women today, I think, "When did it become okay for girls to be so vain?"
If we had Facebook 20 years ago, would girls and young women have really posted hundreds, even thousands of pictures of themselves all over social media? Personally I don’t think so. So it begs to question how are we raising our daughters? I’m a daughter, my husband’s former mistress is a daughter and I have a daughter. Because the mistress is so young, it’s apparent that we were raised in two very different generations. When I was growing up we were told not to flaunt ourselves, that in order to get anywhere in life you needed to work hard in school and prove yourself at work. As for men, if you were flaunting everything for the world to see, you’d get a lot of guys wanting to hook up with you but you would never land a decent guy to settle down with. I still have those morals and values ingrained in me, so the idea of wearing tight, revealing clothing does not appeal to me in the least. Don’t get me wrong… I like to look good but I think it’s possible to look sexy without looking like a hooker.
Apparently the younger generation (the now 20-somethings) were not raised that way. It seems to me that girls in their 20’s love being the centre of attention. I’m not saying ALL 20-somethings are like that, because I know some who are hardworking, beautiful successful women, but that’s the overall impression that I get. My husband’s former mistress is now in her late 20’s. When I first discovered that my husband was having an affair with her I of course wanted to know everything I could about her. It wasn’t hard to find that information. She had a Facebook page with links to a MySpace page, a personal website, her address, her personal email, her employer and her work email. What I found was unbelievably disturbing. Here was this girl in her mid-20’s that had hundreds, even thousands of pictures of herself, obviously all taken on a webcam in various poses. She didn’t have any pictures of her having fun with friends or pictures with family or anything. Just pictures of herself. Who is that vain? I can only think that her parents had put her up on such a high pedestal that now she thinks she is the hottest, sexiest, most perfect woman on the planet.
As my own daughter gets older I want to teach her how to have class and self-respect. I want her to be confident enough in herself that she doesn’t need to look for admiration from other people. My daughter is a beautiful 10 year old little girl. People tell me all the time that she’s beautiful. That’s great but I want her to know that she is a smart, strong creative person, someone who cares about other people and won’t stab you in the back or turn on you when you need her most. And there is no way I want my daughter to EVER be a mistress to any guy!
I honestly think that these women who look for outside attention are the ones who most easily find themselves with a married man. It’s exciting for them to get the attention they crave. It blows my mind that my husband’s mistress’ mother was okay with what she was doing. How is it okay for anyone, let alone your own daughter, to put herself into the middle of a marriage, a place where she doesn’t belong? When my daughter gets old enough to date, the first question out of my mouth would be, “Is he married?” I would hope that my daughter would know better. When my husband was having his affair my daughter was 6 years old. She once asked me “Mom, how can Daddy have a girlfriend when he’s already married?” If a 6-year old knows it’s wrong why couldn’t the 25-year old (and her mother!) realize that?
Well, maybe if we teach our daughters how NOT to behave, maybe this next generation will have more class than the current generation.