For the last few weeks I have caught this new show on TV called “The Mistress”. For anyone who isn’t familiar with the show, the host of the show is a woman named Sarah who claims to have been a mistress to many men including Chef Gordon Ramsey. He vehemently denies it, but who knows what really happened. Anyway, on the show Sarah basically plays counsellor to women who are mistresses, empowering them to leave their married man because they deserve
Note: This blog post was originally posted in October 2012. I don't believe that this television program is still airing. But it doesn't matter because the show is only a reference to the content in the blog. Feel free comment and share this post.
The general feeling I get from the show is that Sarah wants these women to see themselves as victims, that the men have played with their emotions and now they need to reclaim their independence. I think what really pisses me off about this show is the lack of responsibility that these mistresses take for their actions. I agree that these women need to break away from their married men, however they are NOT victims! Nobody forced them to be there. They made a conscious decision to be with this guy even though they were fully aware that they were married.
I’m not saying that the men don’t deserve to pay for their actions too, but since this show is focused on the mistress, it is up to the women to take a stand and break up with their married man. Most of these women say that they have fallen in love with their man. Well, I’m sorry, but if you’re a mistress, what kind of person are you that you would put yourself in a position to fall in love with someone who isn’t available? These guys have made it very clear through their actions that they have no intention of ever leaving their wives and families for these women, yet these women still sit around waiting for their men. They all seem to have this delusional fantasy that their man is going to leave his wife and they will get to have this wonderful life together.
I once heard Sarah say, “He’s not going to change. You have to.” I both agree and disagree with her on this. I agree with her because it’s obvious that he’s not willing to make his affair an exclusive, committed relationship. However, I also disagree with the statement. I feel like she’s telling these women that this situation is his fault and he’s never going to change so the mistress better leave now so she doesn’t get hurt anymore.
Where’s the accountability in that? None of these women have ever considered what their actions are doing to the guy’s family, his wife, and his kids. One mistress on the show was terrified because the wife found out and knew where she lived. Does that not tell you that what you’re doing is wrong? I once heard a mistress say that her life was like a soap opera. Well, it wouldn’t be a soap opera if you hadn’t done it to yourself. I even saw an episode where Sarah was hosting a workshop. In it she said to the women attending, “If you’re married, don’t treat your husband like a wife. Treat him like you’re his mistress.” So, now it’s the wife’s fault if her husband cheats??!!! I don’t think so.
I like that Sarah is breaking up affairs. And I’m all for the empowerment of women, but how can you be fully empowered in your life if you can’t take ownership for your mistakes. I just want everyone involved to he held completely accountable. The men shouldn’t be looking outside their marriage. I get that. But these mistresses need to realize their roles in this and the impact that their choices, actions and behaviours have on an entire family. Mistresses – you are NOT the victims!